So here's the thing with my lab runner man (think his name is Joel). He definitely has a little thing for me. That says a lot about his character since I am back up in the 190-something pound range. Today when he came to deliver my lab orders he started smiling halfway across the room and I couldn't help myself, I was overcome by smiles too and we were both blushing. I don't blush often. I need to reiterate this: I am not attracted to him. He is not unattractive by any means, but my marriage is so right that I don't have a reason to allowing myself to get caught up in giddiness that won't help anyone. I wish I could've controlled that better, just smiled a quick smile and let it go. Not blush and grin like a girl on a mission. He probably thinks I am interested. And as for me, after he was gone I was in a fantastic mood, felt so feminine, pretty and cool. When my UPS man came to drop off a package and had to chase me down from another room, he put his arm around me as we walked across the room, as if we're longtime friends or as if he was displaying chivalry escorting me across the room. He's never touched me before. I must say, I felt like I looked good today, it is finally warm enough to wear a skirt and I chose a long flowing one and strappy sandals. My hair turned out good and I kept my lips glossy which makes them look nice. Two other men that work in my building made it a point to say hello to me, I didn't even know one of them knew my name. Maybe all of this Joel thing had me putting out a certain vibe and others were picking up on it. When a woman feels attractive, she is damn near invincible. If only our husbands knew this little secret. I felt so good, like a edgy little goddess rocking my little optical shop. I kept thinking about Joel and why I care if he's attracted to me when I would never be reciprocating anything. Was it just the wanting him to want me for the sake of my own ego? I certainly felt a little bad admitting that I want him to want me even though I would never start anything with him. But it isn't the power or shallowness of that idea that made me feel awesome today, it's that for once I didn't feel invisible, in a good way! I stood out, for whatever reason and I felt like an old penny who shines bright when the light hits it just the right way. I felt special. And beautiful. And awesome. And I deserve that from time to time, just like anyone else.
If Joel gets up the nerve to ask me out I will be up front and tell him I'm married and that will be it. But until then, it is just a few smiles. And it inspires me to do more things for myself that make me feel beautiful. I did a micro workout before work today and I officially started eating low-carb again today in an effort to get some energy and vitality back, and make me feel better physically and emotionally. It is a baby step at this point, but it's a start. And that's where all journeys begin.
Here's to feeling fantastic on a Monday!