Research and Recharging

Towards the end of last week, which was week 6 for me, I was starting to feel really strongly that I needed a cheat meal.  I was getting so sick of ground turkey and spinach that I could scream.  So, on Friday after running some errands, I picked up some Taco Bell on the way home, and ate it in front of the most ridiculus TV show.  I usually don't give in to myself so easily, but I was starting to drive myself nuts thinking of the 'can't haves' that I knew I was in for total self-destruction if I didn't give in.  So I ate my grilled stuffed burrito, which I don't normally eat and I found it to taste quite aweful, partially because it had half-dried rice inside and one of my least favorite seasonings on earth, cilantro.  And the coveted nacho cheese sauce that has been the one thing I have dreamt of since chosing a healthier path, was just OK, nothing to write home about.  When I finished, I decided that my favorite part of my cheat was the drink (Diet Pepsi), even though I am a Diet Coke drinker, fountain soda on ice rocks my world.  I didn't dwell on my choice to have a cheat meal, I merely spent a few minutes wondering if it was all worth it.  The only guilt I felt was in knowing that my husband and I had planned a cheat meal for the weekend, and we did indeed end up having McDonald's.  There too, the fish sandwhich is my fave and I usually think I've died and gone to heaven when that impossibly soft bun gives way to the tang underneath, and the juice of the perfectly-cooked fish filet explodes in my mouth.  This time all I could think was, wow, this is so salty!  But, of course, I ate the entire combo meal, and out of shame, didn't tell my husband that I had already cheated the day before.  In the end, I know that an occassional treat is healthy for your mind, but there are healthy ways of going about it.  I will say, that after skipping two days of workouts last week, I got back on track and have felt a renewed enthusiasm, like my batteries have somehow been recharged.
Today I was due to start my new muscle workout, but OOPS!  My husband and I ran out of time to design a workout for me to do.  I spent a little time deciding whether to just do the one I'd been using one more time or try to figure something else out.  That sent me paging through my Oxygen magazines, through a multitude of different exercises.  I finally found an at home workout that looked promising.  Jamie Eason was the model showing the moves (if you don't know who she is, google her and you'll see why she's a workout inspiration), and it was circuit-style.  I gave it a try, and after 3 complete circuits I was sweaty and tired.  That said, I felt so ALIVE and even a bit athletic, which doesn't happen to an always-been-overweight girl too often.  I think I will stick to this workout for another month or so, then look for something new.  It felt really good in the end, that I did it on my own.  Well, with Oxygen's help.  But I found something that made me feel really good. 
So good, in fact, that I have been toying with the idea of joining a gym.  I have stuck to this for six weeks.  I think once I complete this workout in 4 more weeks, I might just go ahead and join one as a reward to myself.  I will be able to work different muscle groups that are difficult to train at home, and I am finding that I would have to add multiple different weights to my home "gym" in order to continue working out here. 
I finally had my unemployment appeal hearing yesterday, and will find out whether or not I will get my backpay and benefits.  If I do, I am strongly considering going back to school.  That is a big deal for me, because I finally have the self esteem to go and sit in a class of peers and not worry what everyone is thinking about me.  And one final good thing that happened recently.  In a prior post I said that I bought a shirt without trying it on, and it didn't fit the way I like, being that it is 2 sizes smaller than I habitually wear.  I tried it on again this weekend and haven't stopped wearing it since.  It is the most flattering piece of clothing I own right now.  I feel so small and cute in it.  That just fuels the fire to keep on the right path, more rewards will reveal themselves than I could ever imagine.  Oh and by the way, my weight has been a steady 179 for a while now, but I am seeing more and more muscle popping up and I look better, and feel great, even if the scale doesn't show a change.  I'm excited to see what the measuring tape reveals on Feb 1!