Feeling Good

Are my legs sore today?  Oh MAMA, are they ever!  But my warped little mind always imagines those sore muscles as toned and fit and beautiful, so I feel proud that I worked hard enough to make myself sore.  There have been lackluster workouts in my past that did not lead to sore muscles, nor did they lead to results.  Now I am trying to make sure I get a good amount of stretching in, because the program calls for another leg training day on Thursday.  Yeesh!  I have a feeling I'll be ready by then.  My body is handling the training fairly well, I'm sure I can attribute some of that to the amino acids I take before and after my workout. 
Today was back and biceps, and I got to add a few new things into the workout.  I am noticing that if I allow too long of a rest between sets, I get more tired and it feels really challenging to get another set in.  So, lesson learned.  Right now I try to keep my rests less than a minute between sets, but working out at home I find I can get a little distracted from time to time and the rests occassionaly go a little longer.  I am still modifying my workout to fit into my home-gym setting.  For example, I don't have a Hammer Strength lat pulldown machine at home, so I substituted for reverse-seated lat pull down.  And for T bar rows I substitued bent-over dumbell rows.  There are plenty of substitutions I make to be able to do this at home, but I am really wanting to move things to the gym.  I think I may have the funds to make that happen over the weekend so I can really pump out a phenomenal week next week to finish up the first phase of the program strong. 
I am loving the results I am getting already.  My shoulders and biceps are starting to trim down a little and I can see more muscle/definition in them.  Yes, there is still a lot of work to do, but little changes seem big when you've been stuck in a rut like I have for so long.  I like how the program changes every 2 weeks, keeping it fresh and keeping the body confused for optimal growth.  It might be insane, but I am actually looking forward to adding the cardio back in.  I won't use it as my primary focus, but as an added bonus to weight training.  One of the fantastic side-effects of this program is that it got me back into the habit and got me past my mental block/dislike/predjudice of weight training.  And for someone who has the genetics to build muscle, and someone who has always enjoyed lifting, that feels really good.  It's amazing how quickly my physique started to change once I started weight training again, results I wouldn't have acheived with cardio alone, but I would have spent years of yo-yoing, trying to make headway with an inconsistent diet and cardio, knowing that I needed to be doing more weight training, but dreading it/skipping it.  So I'm really glad that I had the idea to check into this program.  It is hard work, but it makes me feel disciplined and strong, and knowing that I am rising to the challenge makes my drive even more focused.  I am a sucker for a challenge when I believe it is accomplishable.  Being of short stature, I have often been underestimated  and it gives me great pleasure to prove people wrong about me.  Before I started the Live Fit program, I was trying to use motivational quotes to get my off my butt, and had even purchased a decorative little desktop mailbox in which I was intending to put little hand-written words of encouragement/motivation in, so each morning when I woke up, I could pick a slip and the motivational words would help me to not go back to bed.  Most of them were things I thought of myself, things I told myself were reasons driving me to work at my goal.  I wrote down a few ideas and forgot about them until I found them the other day.  The one that struck me the most, was this: "because he thinks you will never change."  It is motivational for me, because it comes back to that idea of proving people wrong.  Someone somewhere in time did not want to be with me, maybe because of my weight, I'll never know, but he is the kind of person to believe the worst about humanity, and I know he probably assumes I am still some fat chick with self-esteem issues.  That pisses me off and adds more fuel to the fire.  But honestly, there are so many people I could use that phrase for.  My husband, my mom, my sister, everyone I went to school with (those that remember me, that is).  Lets face it, how many overweight people actually reach their goal?  It's not easy to do, and requires a lot of sacrifice.  Just this morning I was reading a blog (not a weight-loss blog) and the writer was mentioning coctails and finger foods and haging out with a loved one talking.  Doesn't that sound so inviting?  What a relief to not have to be concerned with every little thing you put in your mouth.  But that's not my reality.  I am not a naturally slim person who can eat/drink whatever I want and stay slim and healthy.  My family history is loaded with heart disease, cancer, strokes, heart attacks and diabetes.  And I have a body that puts on weight (whether muscle or fat) very easily, so I will always have to be vigilant about how I eat.  I am finding that a lot of things sound good, in theory, but either don't taste as good as they sound or don't make me feel good after I eat them.  My husband and I were discussing pizza, which used to be our weekend cheat meal, but we haven't had it in months.  I told him that it sounds good, but I can imagine how aweful my stomach would feel after eating it.  We shared a moment of sorrow over our lost pizza-joy, then remarked how good it feels to have a healthy body.  When I was messed up and trying to find my way back to this place of a healthy mind and body, I took great comfort in thoughts of comfort food, knowing that I could have it on the weekend, and I indulged in it hardcore.  It feels different right now, like I don't want to go off my plan because I'm doing so well.  Its like acing a course all semester, then posting a "C" grade right at the end.  A bit of a letdown.  But as my husband reminded me last weekend, this is for the longrun, not just to get through twelve weeks, and assuming that I will never eat a cheat meal is absurd and not realistic.
So I am still figuring things out right now.  This morning I took some vitamins and it made me have a weird episode of nausea/flush.  It passed rather quickly and I was able to eat, but it just reminded me why I don't like to take vitamins.  It feels really unnatural to me, as funny as that sounds.   I may revisit vitamins at a later time, maybe switch to a high quality liquid vitamin at some point, but I'm skeptical about vitamins altogether, and would prefer to get my nutrients from my food, unless labwork shows sign of a deficiency anywhere.
Well, my thinking well is dried up for now.  I'll leave you with a photo I took yesterday when I arrived to work.  I used my favorite app, Instagram
It's a cozy place to be, but at some point we have to take a leap in order to progress


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