I made it through this week much better than I expected, and just as I imagined, I feel really great today knowing that the tough part is behind me. It is no small thing, the fact that I didn't know if I could do it, and the tough side of me came out in spades, to show the scared part of me just who is in control of this situation. It makes me feel a bit rebellious, casting off doubts and perservering when the opportunity to take the easy way out was always there as an option.
In general, I just feel great. I have so much more energy, way moreso than when I do cardio. That is because building muscle keeps your metabolism soaring for hours afterword, and cardio doesn't.
Yesterday was a huge, positive day for me, it was quiet at work and I got the chance to find an old friend on Facebook. He is someone who has always made me laugh, and our memories are from a time when our friendship filled something missing in each of us. It has been more than 10 years since we've spoken, so getting reconnected put me on such a high. It turns out, he is a special ed teacher, who plans on returning to school to get a masters with emphasis on autism. If you're new to my blog, both of my sons have autism, so it is a huge, fantastic coincidence.
My mood was spoiled a bit last night, when I was telling my husband that I was happy that today was my last training day for the week. He said something about being lucky that I could train, as he is trying to lose a little muscle so as to fit the talent agency's tastes. It is killing him that he can't train as heavy or as often as he wants to, and to be quite honest, there are times when he doesn't handle it with grace. I said that this is most and the hardest I've trained in years, maybe ever, and my body is sore. He snipped at me, "This is why I'm not a (personal) trainer." I was so offended by that. There was an opportunity to show some support for me and this amazing thing I am doing, and he ended up hurting my feelings. Instead of telling him that I simply said, "Well, not all of us are machines." And we left it at that. But it ate away at me all night and made me mad that he would treat me so poorly just because he is pouting over not being able to train. I slept on my feelings, because I didn't want to react too emotionally to it, but this morning I was still quite irritated about it. He has been talking about finally getting his personal trainer certification, and I kept thinking of how he really needs to brush up on his people skills before he decides to get into that field. Not everyone is as driven as him, personal trainers are there to motivate and push you to your personal best, not to make you feel aweful for sharing a vaulnerable thought with them.
Then I thought about Tony. He is my most loyal reader/commenter and he is always ALWAYS supportive. Even though he lives thousands of miles away and we've never met, he has a way of lifting my spirits when I have a bad day, and celebrating my wins with me. Now that's support.
So, I am wondering why it is we treat the people closest to us so bad compared to those we don't know as well. Is it a comfort thing? I am puzzled by it, but my take-away is this. My husband and I will have a talk and we'll get through it fine, he might encourage me for a while if he can put his own apathy aside for a minute. But honestly, I know I always have support in the Blogger community because you guys are the ones who have been where I am, you are the ones fighting the good fight, and dealing with all kinds of emotions, you understand what I'm going through. I will take that kind of support ANY DAY, and I will use it to acheive my goals. Perhaps I am the one who should pursue a career in personal training. Maybe someday I will consider that.
So this is a scattered post, but it is to thank you, my lovely readers and fellow bloggers, for the continual support and understanding. You rock my world!