Today I feel:
Relaxed (read: lazy)
A bit more alert than yesterday
Ready for the weekend
Despite feeling completely drained last night, I am married to a man who rarely ever misses a gym session, so we went to the gym. Our lack of energy wasn't outwordly noticeable, but when we looked at each other, the usual fire in our eyes and playfulness was reduced to a sad, half-grin as we caught our breaths between sets. I had my painful introduction to negatives (on barbell presses) and I felt like I wouldn't be able to use my entire upper body for the remainder of my workout, and that was my first move in the workout! I'm certainly glad I had my husband there to help me through that set of negatives, I was shaking so bad I felt like I was going to drop the olympic bar (loaded with 30 extra pounds) on my chest. Negatives are crazy challenging! I am one crazy-strong woman!
I made it through the other moves, wondering how I could keep going, wondering if I had ever been this strong mentally or physically. My gym doesn't really have a designated area for doing floor work, and when it's busy, the area around the free weights is over crowded, so when it came time for my wide push ups, I found a little area next to the stability ball rack. I felt a little funny doing push ups in a room full of equipment, but at the same time, the people who use the machines are generally: 1) Old; 2) new/women/afraid of being too muscular; and a few knowledgeable people who use the machines in order to lift heavier or change up the movement. So I went about my business, and was only interrupted once, by an asian lady doing hundreds of really fast oblique lunges on a ball, that basically equated to her flinging her body around. My neck was sore just watching that! After I finished my set, I felt really proud of the work I am doing. I am not going to be one of those women who goes to a gym for years, only doing treadmill or step aerobics or does workout after workout with weights no heavier than ten pounds. I know about sweat equity, and I am going to use gravity to my advantage. I am haging out with the men, learning from them and lifting like them, going where most women (at least the ones at my gym) fear to go. I am not going to waist my precious time and energy on a lacklustre workout, I've got goals to tackle and things to get done. And time is so very precious. I know the results will not be quick, but they will be lasting and instead of being skinny-fat I will have earned curves and muscles to show off.
There is a poster in my gym that I love to look at during a workout, it is advertising a Power class that the gym offers. The poster is filled with reasons why one would want to join the class. The one I like the best is, "I want to have arms that make my friends jealous". It is a thing with women, isn't it? Most women I know want strong, beautifully toned arms, and I am no exception. How do you tell a woman is strong just by looking at her? To me, it's the arms. In a city whose population is grotesquely obese, rounded, shapeless arms abound. To me, that is the epitomy of UNhealth. I have been there, looking at my round, ugly arms, wishing there was muscle there to show off. Now, for once, I think I am starting to feel the other side of my goals. I am working damn hard to make this happen. I am getting help and learning and pushing myself like never before. I am loving the results and can't wait to see what else I can do. I wish this for everyone.
I used to think running a 5K was my big moment of glory, but now I realize that there isn't just one, but many moments of personal triumph, and I have many more to come.
Happiest of Wednesday friends! Hope it is triumphant!