In my seemingly never ending quest for fitness, this weekend provided another lesson for me. The more money I have, the more I want to spend it on eating junk. I remember when I was still living at home, and my paychecks were pretty much mine to do what I wanted with, I would often spend them on magazines, gum, silly stuff like jounals and pens, and more often than not, junk food. There may be some deeper issues there, revolving around growing up poor and watching my mother count out the change in her penny jar so we could get a sweet treat on nights when my father was out with friends, or how my mother would eat pure garbage instead of meals, probably in an attempt to drown out whatever emotional stuff she was going through. We learn from our parents, whether or not they have healthy habits. But for me, in an attempt to keep it simplified, mo money= mo problems with food. When I am struggling, I only have money to spend on the clean, practicle stuff that I absolutely need to get by. No spare money to make a quick stop at the grocery store for a quick snack, or take the kids for ice cream.
That being said, this weekend was a bit less successful than I would have allowed last weekend, or for that matter, since I began this program. I found myself feeling rushed straight through the weekend, and many times, I felt like I just wanted a few minutes to relax and enjoy the last little bit of summer. In retrospect, we should have spent our weekend at the beach, but you know what they say about hindsight!
Friday night we ate dinner at a quaint little Mexican restaurant, where the food is home made, the service is phenomenal, and the atmosphere warm and happy. My kids haven't been there, so to them it was an amazing adventure. We all left full and content. Then we did an errand or two, and went to that frozen custard place I've spoken of, my kids were begging for it. I was too full to have anything, and I am not fond of frozen custard anyway, so I abstained. My kids ate about half of their too-creamy desserts. I shuddered at the thought of that stuff. Too sweet and rich for me. In the past I probably could have put away an entire large size without thought. I'm happy that isn't the case anymore.
Saturday found me at the gym doing that fantastic back workout I love and to my delight, the T-bar rows were as good as I remember. I didn't get the same pump in my back as I did last week, but I was tired at the end just the same. I am trying to fight off the next round of soup-nose that is coming via my younger son, but I have been feeling increasingly tired and soupy-nosed. Saturday night we gave the kids the option of eating anywhere they wanted, and they chose...SUSHI. We went to our favorite sushi restaurant and indulged in the freshness. My kids even tried seaweed salad and loved it. And for all the beautiful artwork they created for us to eat, it was gone in mere minutes! I love that my kids are so open-minded about food, and are learning about making healthy choices. That night, I went light on the sushi, so after going to a park to let the kids run off some of their energy, we stopped for a few groceries, and I picked up a small sweet treat. It was a brownie with walnuts and carmel on top. To be honest, my nose being in a slightly compromised state, I didn't really taste it as well as I'd like to, so as I was eating it I was thinking what a waste it was, empty calories for no good reason.
Yesterday, I slept later than I have in years (9 am) and our day was rushed, between getting the kids out and taking care of our errands and cooking for the week, the day seemed to fly by, and I didn't do any cardio. It wasn't in the plan anyway, but I do enjoy Sunday morning cardio. While we didn't have a family meal, I did eat some chips and way too many bananas, which I don't usually have in the house, because it is sometimes a trigger food for me. Last night, as I was craving junk food, flavorful food, anything other than what I should be eating, I made the connection with the money/food thing. It is about indulgence. When I have enough money that I can buy whatever I want at the grocery store, I want to buy everything. And eat everything. I ate relatively clean after that, but I realized how easily I can let my focus slip when my circumstance changes ever so slightly. It was a bit alarming. I started thinking, I don't want to go to the gym tomorrow morning, I want to sleep in. But I know where that kind of thinking gets me, and now I have a little better glimpse into where it came from. Indulgence is so dangerous for me, because it quickly spreads from one category to the next. Food indulgence spreads to sleep indulgence spreads to personal time indulgence to spending indulgence, etc. I knew I had to stop the cycle somewhere and get things back where they belong.
So this morning as I headed to the gym, the fog outside was so thick, I could barely see where I was going. It was so disorienting, as if being in a blinding snowstorm. It was amazing how quiet it made it felt, like the fog was some invisible force field, filtering out sound. I'll admit, I felt a bit unfocused this morning as I trained biceps and triceps, but I was able to lift as much as last week, and complete my entire workout in just enough time to scoot home and get ready. The mornings are so chaotic, but at least I've got my weight training in for the day, all I have to worry about is a bit of cardio later. On the way home from the gym, the fog was lifting as the sun was rising, and I had to snap a quick photo