Thursday, December 9, 2010

Change

I am really relieved that I had the strength to perservere yesterday, because if I hadn't, I would be wallowing in self-pity again today.  It is so easy for things to build upon themselves until we believe we have no power over them. 
This morning, in preparation for the forecasted snow, I decided I'd better fill up my tires.  My fancy valve caps have been showing the red "fill them idiot" marker for weeks now, and I keep procrastinating.  So now that we are going to get some real snow, I decided to take action.  Never mind that it is 7 degrees above with the wind chill, I was determined to just get it done and cross it off the list.  The first station I went to, was some sort of air/water mix, and the hose was frozen solid.  So instead of getting any air into my tire, I let a bunch more out in the process of trying to test my tire and get the air to work.  So I gingerly drove to the next gas station.  Air is working, that's a start!  My fingers and toes were already starting to feel uncomfortably cold, but I was determined to get those babies filled.  Long long story short, after about 40 minutes of trying to get my tires fully inflated, nature won and my now numb toes forced me to seek heat.  The tires got a little fuller, but that red warning mark from those valve covers is still taunting me.  My toes were in so much trouble, that it was painful when they started to thaw, and now, two hours later, they feel a little bruised.  Stupid winter weather!  My original plan was to fill up my tires and get an energy drink to help fuel my cardio.  By the time I hopped into my car, I couldn't even PHATHOM drinking something cold. 
When I got inside my cozy, warm apartment, I felt horrible about the event.  And though I had planned on eating what I normally eat for breakfast, the happenings made me feel bad enough, physically and mentally, to make me consider procrastinating my cardio session.  But then, as I put the turkey bacon on the skillet, I figured out that my cardio session would probably take the same amount of time to complete as my bacon would take to cook, so I went ahead and did my cardio.  I don't have a treadmill, and obviously don't have the money to get one, so my cardio is done inside my apartment, walking back and forth down my (fortunately) extremely long hallway.  It isn't ideal, but I can't let that stop me.  I have fallen victim to using that as an exscuse before.  I'll wait til spring, so I can walk outside.  or, next month I'll save a little money to buy (fill in the blank) for working out, then I'll be ready.  It is all too easy to let yourself off the hook until everything is "perfect".  To tell the truth, there is a lot I don't like about walking outside.  The weather is unpredictable, the footing is unpredictable, the reaction of people driving by is unpredictable.  And I don't like walking on treadmills that much, it always feels unnatural to me, like I am walking way differently than when I'm on the ground.  Maybe it'll just take more practice.  I would like to get one eventually.  In Vegas, because it never rains, we had a treadmill on our balcony, with an amazing view of the city and mountains.  It was awesome to be out there in the morning, watching the sun rise over the mountains.  Ahhh, someday. 
My goal for this season, in this wintery midwest city, is to focus on what I can do, and try to make the most of what I've got.  It is a mindset I am not used to, but it's never too late (or too early) to change!

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