Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Skinny Brain

I got an Old Navy gift card for Christmas, and I have to admit, the only Old Navy clothing I own is one shirt that I got at a thrift shop.  Part of me was curious to see what they had, see if any of it would fit me.  The other part of me wanted to save the gift card for when I lose, say twenty more pounds, as a reward for my hard work.  But my husband, who also got an Old Navy gift card, needed jeans desperately, so we went.  As we walked through the mall, I looked in the store windows of all the places I have never been small enough to shop, and I got so excited because I knew, without a doubt, that I will be able to shop wherever I want in less than a year.  Old Navy was a bit of a letdown.  Don't get me wrong, they have great things, they are just geared toward the preppy masses.  I was only inclined to try on one thing, a dress in the most stunning shade of muted green.  On the hanger, it looked so cute, kind of goth and a little punk.  I chose the 2X because I am not deluding myself.  I tried it on and it just hung off of me, boring even itself to tears.  The tankdress underneath had really long straps that were not adjustable, and the whole thing just fit strangely.  So, I left without any clothes, figuring I would return in summer when they have more dresses, and I will be thinner by then.
Earlier that same day, I finally got myself a belt.  It is the first time I have ever bought a belt.  To be fair, I usually wear dresses and skirts, but living in a cold, snowy place has neccessitated the purchase of a pair of jeans.  I didn't know that they were a stretchy material when I got them at the thrift shop.  Long story short, I've needed a belt for a few months now, so I went and got one.  I wrapped it around me, the outside of my jacket to make sure it was long enough to go around me.  When I got it home, I discovered that there were only 6 holes in it, and the tightest one was still too big.  So I had to exchange it.  I got one 2 sizes smaller, and it just fits on the loosest hole, which will give me some wiggle room when I lose more weight. 
Which brings me to the subject of Skinny Brain.  The past couple days I have had to rethink my body.  I know I'm not thin, but I'm not as fat as I have been my whole life.  Buying things in any size other than 3X is a totally foreign idea for me.  So I am at the first stage of having to rethink my body size, which is exhillerating!  When I went to Target last night to pick up some hair products, I couldn't resist chosing something from the "regular sized clothing" section (as opposed to the moo moos) and try it on just to see if it would fit.  Again, I chose an item in size 2X, but it was a mini skirt.  The skirt fit me, and the elastic waistband wasn't even stressing, but the cheap tuling on it made it look like I was trying to be a 38 year old (oh yeah, happy birthday to me) ballerina.  But, in the past, leaving without a piece of clothing would have been a letdown, because it would have been because it didn't fit or looked bad because of my body.  Leaving without that skirt last night or the dress at Old Navy didn't bother me in the least because, no matter what I didn't like about the clothes, they fit!  I have a whole new energy, whole new elation.  I am finally shrinking.  And though the holidays presented me with a slight setback, I know I am finally on my way to my happy place.  And you should see how that kind of news fuels a workout! 

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