Thursday, May 21, 2015

Beauty

I have two alarms set on my iPhone for weekdays, one at 4:30am, in case I am in the mood to get up and do cardio, and one for 5:00am, which gives me 1/2 hour to wake up, watch the news and check Facebook before jumping into the chaos of getting myself and the kids ready.  The 4:30 alarm has, for many months, been more like a warning alarm telling me not to sleep too deeply because the real alarm is coming.  Today I actually got up and decided to try to dance for cardio.  It was not pretty!  Very uninspired, uncaffienated, clumsy and zombie-esque.  But it got my heart rate up, and that's the point.  Still, I didn't feel like it was much of a workout.  I did it because 2 Thursday's a month my husband goes to meetings at the Masonic Lodge which sometimes translates into me having to handle homework with my kids, which can mean I don't get done in time to go for a walk.  So I planned ahead and got it done.  
Work went fairly smoothly, not too busy or too slow.  It was yet another day that I didn't get to see Elliot, it was the girl.  I guess she's our permanent 'runner'.  Boo!  I'm still holding out hope that Elliot will come tomorrow since it was like that last week, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment.  
I was hungry so much today, despite eating almost exactly what I eat other days.  I actually ate tomorrow's cheese sticks today my stomach was growling so hardcore!  I was also craving junk.  
When I got home my younger son said that he needs a protractor to do his homework and we didn't have one so we went to Target.  Bad idea! I can never buy only what I need from that place, I find so much else that I have to have!  I came home with flaming hot Cheetos for my older son, Doritos Spicy Street Taco flavor plus guacamole for me and them, some Fiber One bars for the kids and a curling iron that I can leave at work.  And no protractor.  I ate some chips and guacamole and felt simultaneously good and bad, mentally.  Since it wasn't raining I decided to go for a walk.  It makes such a huge difference with music!  I got into a nice groove and felt good walking and rockin' out to my music.  Hips still hurt, might be a posture/lower back thing.  I have been stretching more today and will keep working my lower body with stretches and massage.  I am wondering if it has anything to do with the fact that I have upped my carbs slightly, according to the plan.  It'll take more research but I think if I keep moving and stretching I will be ok.  I had a bizarro day where I looked thin in the mirror today, particularly my face, it made me a little confused because I know I'm not thin.  Maybe it's because my hair seems to have grown a foot overnight too.  Strange stuff.  I haven't actually been putting all that much thought into my weight lately, I am focused more on my hair and face.  I've been using a treatment for puffy eyes and wrinkles around the eye, putting a lot more work into my hair and making sure I have lip gloss on all day.  It makes me feel prettier.  And right now I guess that's where I'm at, wanting to feel good about myself despite my weight.  I am taking back what was lost all those years that I let myself believe that I was not worthy of positive attention (from myself or others) because I didn't look like a swimsuit model.  My body is not wrong, I am not wrong.  I don't look like a swimsuit model and I'm still getting all kinds of attention.  When you know you are beautiful it glows from the inside and paints the outside in a brilliant palette of colors.  And others notice.  Too bad so many of us don't know we are beautiful.  And affective.  It's a shame someone else had to clue me in on my own beauty before I believed it existed.  Feeling beautiful is so powerful!  I hope you take time to do something for yourself today that makes you feel beautiful.

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