This has been a long week. I love my kids, but spring break is draining me. They have been fighting so much. And since it Mother Nature decided to dump another foot and a half of snow and ice on us (this following a week of 50 degree temps that melted nearly all remaining snow and making us believe spring was finally here) my kids have been bored and are suffering from cabin fever. My focus has been on trying to keep them entertained and peaceful.
All of this has led to a mediocre week of self-healing for me, which spawned me making some bad, impulse decisions. Two days in a row I ate microwave popcorn, one of those days I ate an entire bag of it. Yikes! And I skipped my weight session on Wednesday. I told myself it is because I am starting to get sick, and the last time I didn't give myself a break when I felt a cold coming on, I ended up with bronchitis. So I spent some time reading advice on how to write well. I didn't even feel guilty about missing my workout and eating popcorn in the same day. That is a sign to me, that I am not making myself and my health a priority.
Yesterday morning, I got a call from my mom, asking if I could bring the boys to her so she could have them for the weekend. I am so fortunate to have parents and in-laws that actually ask to watch my kids. There were many frustrations compiling on my morning, the chaos of getting bags packed, the wishy-washiness of Zach who wasn't sure if he wanted to go, the trying to get a foot and a half of half-frozen snow and ice slop off my vehicle, zippers getting stuck, heads getting bonked, kids crying when Mommy couldn't get her car out of her parking spot and had to call off the plans. I did eventually get my car free, and we did make the hour and a half drive to deliver my precious cargo. The roads were a bit frightening for the first part of the trip, which drove my blood pressure through the roof. Driving on snowy/icy roads is my number one fear. At any rate, we arrived safely and in good spirits. Part of me was nervous to go, after what seemed like a morning comprised of fate telling us not to. And, by the time I headed back home, the roads were much better. I didn't get in my planned cardio session, but the hour of unearthing my car plus even more time spent shovelling made up for that day's cardio plus wednesday's weight work! Ashamedly, I let myself go six hours between meals, because there just wasn't anything decent to eat, so I waited until I got home and cooked a nice chicken breast and had it with a small serving of spaghetti and sauce. I rounded out my meal with 2 glasses of red wine, which definitely took the edge off.
Yesterday was my 5 year wedding anniversary, though we both forgot, we still had some close time because the kids were gone. My husband told me he can totally tell all the weight I've lost, and that it must feel really good to me; that most people don't even get 1/4 of the way to where I've gotten. He doesn't overly compensate me with praise, so when I get it, it puts me over the moon! And, it helped me to get my mind back on track.
I have had a hard time seeing or feeling the extent of my weight loss, it is hard to tell by numbers on a measuring tape or scale, and the photos are not that good. I get distracted by how much further I have to go, instead of seeing how far I have come. Yesterday was the first time I have been in a car without a big bulky winter jacket since I began this journey, and I was amazed by how little I had to pull the seat belt out, and how it sat nice and flat and low on the bulge that seemed to have shrunk to a mere fraction of its size. I glanced down every once in a while, to make sure it wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me, or a trick of lighting or something. Nope, it's real. I have had some great success. And the really amazing thing is, it has been pretty easy to get to this point. When I think about the contest ending July 31, I have mixed feelings depending on the day, but it has really helped drive me to stay on track. Even though I know I'm not going to win, I want to prove to myself that I can take this farther than I have ever taken it before. And, for once in my life, I am not going to stop until I have gone all the way!