Today I begin my 16th week in my weight loss journey, and things are moving along pretty smoothly. I have lost nearly 30 pounds, several inches, have a lot less aches and pains, and a ton more energy. I'm not saying every day is rainbows and puppy dogs, but the positive changes definitely help to cope with the everyday stresses of life. And with two boys on the Autism spectrum, every day certainly brings some stress.
My timing of meals has been a little off track since Thursday, when I was in the hospital with Zach. It wasn't even that I didn't plan/prepare, I brought my healthy snacks with me, but there was so much going on when it was time to eat (namely, Zach had just woken from his procedure and was sobbing uncontrollably and wanted to be held and comforted). So, everything sort of fell apart at that point. I let my next meal stretch for nearly 5 hours, then the next one for 4 hours...you get the idea. My metabolism slowed way down over the weekend. We had our usual cheat meal of pizza on Friday evening, and I had my usual 3 pieces. My weight made the usual 1 pound hike the next day, but dropped back down. I have been teetering between 165-166 for about a week now. 166 this morning.
This morning was interrupted by an appointment for Israel to be checked for ADHD, so I didn't get to my weight session until after 1:30. I was really frustrated to find that, for the second session in a row, I had to cut my lunges down to only 2 sets. I am doing something wrong, and it is making me feel like I am going to tear a quad muscle. I have tried and tried to do it different ways, even looked at a video on YouTube for "proper form", but I still have such a tightness in the quad, and don't even feel it in my ham/glutes. I am really miffed about it. I don't like feeling like I can't do something, or can't get it right. I won't put my health at risk for my pride either though, so for the time being, I am going to elliminate the lunges. I will try them periodically to see if I can't catch onto it again at some point. I used to be able to do them, only a few months ago. Hmmpf! My legs are looking so crazy to me, already, so I am going to stick to the squats and hamstring roll ups, and when I join a gym, I will see about adding other things as I go along.
For the past month, I have been dealing with my first complications with fleeting motivation. I always just make myself do my workouts, but haven't really focused on what is driving that motivation. What would I tell someone who wants to know how I find the motivation to keep on going, even on high-stress or low-energy days. Motivation is a funny thing. Everything I have ever read says you will never be successful unless your motivation comes from you. I have dealt with this a lot in the past. Wanting to impress a certain somone, or a number of certain someones, didn't work. Wanting to get healthy so I could be around for my husband and kids, didn't work. Wanting to do it to feel better about myself didn't work. Wanting to do it so I could get as much attention as my coworkers didn't work. Doing it for Oprah didn't work. Doing it for my mom's approval didn't work. Doing it to improve my blood panels worked, for a while, then... The truth is, I don't really know what is driving me, other than the fact that I know I can do it. And maybe that is the key. Really, all of those other things are part of the equation, lucky little side effects if you will, but the key is BELIEVING that you CAN do it, and absolutely not leaving any room for doubt. And that being said, knowing I can do something, means that it is completely in my hands. I am owning it. So today when I didn't feel like working out, I told myself that I knew I could work out, there is nothing physically wrong with me, and that if I didn't follow through and do my work out, that I was making a choice to not make my dream happen. I owned it. And I did my workout. And now I have that happy little ache in my muscles that means I will wake up tomorrow feeling thinner than I did today. And next time I do my workout, I will be able to do more. And next time I take my measurements I will have progressed again. And eventually all these little steps will add up to one, huge goal accomplished, one mind repaired. There is no magic to motivation, it is about knowing that you are in control of the outcome, and making the choice to do what it takes to progress.