Today's weigh in of 165 puts me just 3 pounds shy of a 30-pound loss. At first I couldn't believe it when I figured it out, but it has been about three and a half months since I began, so that is about right. Yesterday's weight session did leave me sore today, which is a good sign that I am building new muscle, but this morning's cardio helped ease some of that. I will make it a point to stretch well this morning to help alleviate the rest of the soreness.
I found a new ad that has inspired me, it is for Bodybuilding.com (I found it in my latest copy of Oxygen Magazine). It features Jamie Eason with her back to the camera, curling a 20 lb weight (her muscles look so awesome!) The ad reads: How about some guns to go with that little black dress? The way she looks in that ad is really inspirational. I tried to find the ad online so I could post a link, but couldn't find it. In the process of looking, I found a million photos of her, some are more geared toward men, showing a little more than I wanted to see. Oxygen Magazine portrays her in such an innocent, girl-next-door kind of light, that when I first saw the other photos, I felt a bit disillusioned. But maybe that's just my own hang-up. Most fitness models (females, at least) end up posing for these racier type of photos. It seems to be part of the job description. And why shouldn't they be proud of the body they've worked so hard to acheive? I think I am just uncomfortable seeing it because of the way I have always felt about my own body, that it should be covered up at all costs, because it is so hideous. I live in a state with maybe the highest concentration of obese people in the U.S. (not an insult, but reality. When your state is known for producing the best cheese money can buy, there's bound to be some weight issues!), so I have been witness to many a fashion tragedy involving the overweight. Remeber when Spandex bike shorts and sports bras were the popular style? I saw way too many obese people stuffing themselves into that gear. And with the recent craze of low riders, the muffin top action is horrifying! Shudder. And, I've heard what everyone around me was/is saying about such people. This led me to dress in moo-moo type clothing, the baggier and longer, the better. I had shirts that hung down to my knees. I thought I was hiding my fat, but man did it make me look like a floating barn. So, my body image issues have prevented me from breaking free of the mental block that I have had about seeing too much skin, even on particularily beautiful bodies. Then again, maybe its just because it is always women. If L.L. Cool J were to be practically nude in a photo shoot, I would think, "Hello! I will take three of whatever it is you are selling!" But sadly, those type of male ads are few and far between. Here in the U.S, the media still treats us women as if we only think about losing weight (to try and compete with other women, of course) and shopping, and treats men as if all they think about is sex. I don't particularily care for the all-or-nothing mentality.
So my husband has been so passionate about chasing the dream of being an actor, that we've been talking about dreams a lot lately, and I leave those conversations feeling a bit restless. What is my big, grand dream, I wonder. I feel like the Julia Child character from the movie Julie and Julia, when she was trying to figure out what to do with her time. Which direction do I make my aimless passion go? I am already living what used to be my biggest dream (losing the weight) and I know that I will reach that goal. I don't have a big, grand dream in mind. My husband seems to think that if you don't follow your biggest dream, that you are missing out on life. I told him, maybe some people don't have a grand dream, but are content in the small, everyday ins and outs of life. It is why the phrase "stop and smell the roses" was invented. So maybe my big, grand dream in life is to be an awesome wife and mother, and show my kids the world once their dad becomes a world-class actor. I'm OK with that.
Here's to having dreams and helping them along!